No two Tamil weddings run exactly the same way. Families from Jaffna, Madurai, Chennai or Batticaloa, from different communities and faiths, keep different customs, and many families adapt them for a hall in Toronto or a temple in London. What follows are the moments most Tamil Hindu weddings share, in roughly the order they happen. Use it to plan your day, to write your programme, or to decide what to explain on your website’s FAQ.
Before the wedding
Nichayathartham
The formal engagement. The two families meet, usually at the bride’s home or a small hall, and exchange thattu: trays carrying betel leaves, areca nuts, fruit, flowers, turmeric, kumkumam and often clothes for the bride. In many families the wedding date and Muhurtham are announced or confirmed here. It is often months before the wedding and kept to close family.
Pre-wedding rites
In the days before, many families hold a Pandhakaal Muhurtham, planting a ceremonial post to mark the start of wedding preparations, and a Nalangu, where relatives play light-hearted games with the couple and apply turmeric and sandal paste. Some families tie a kaappu, a protective thread, on the couple’s wrists. Which of these you keep is entirely a family decision.
The wedding morning
Mangala Snanam
An auspicious bath on the wedding morning, usually with turmeric and oil, before the couple dress for the ceremony.
Kashi Yatra
Kept in some communities, especially Brahmin families. The groom sets off with an umbrella and walking stick, announcing that he will leave for Kashi to lead a life of study, and the bride’s father persuades him to stay and marry his daughter instead. It is played for laughs, and guests love it.
Maalai Maatral
The exchange of garlands. The couple swap garlands three times, often lifted onto the shoulders of their uncles or cousins so the other has to reach. It is one of the most photographed moments of the day.
Oonjal
The couple sit together on a swing while married women of the family sing oonjal songs. Relatives circle coloured rice balls around them to ward off the evil eye, and feed them milk and banana. The gentle movement of the swing is said to reflect the ups and downs of married life, met together.
Kanyadhanam
The bride sits on her father’s lap, and her parents give her hand to the groom, often with water poured over their joined hands.
Thaali Kattu
This is the moment of marriage. Within the Muhurtham, as the nadaswaram and thavil play the fast getti melam to drown out any inauspicious sound, the groom ties the thaali, also called the mangalyam, around the bride’s neck. In many families he ties the first knot and his sister ties the other two. Guests shower the couple with akshathai, rice coloured with turmeric.
Thaali designs differ between families and communities, and many Tamil Christian couples also tie a thaali, often with a cross, during the church service.
After the thaali
Saptapadi and Ammi Midhithal
The couple walk around the sacred fire, taking seven steps together. The groom places the bride’s foot on an ammi, a grinding stone, and slips metti, silver toe rings, onto her toes. The stone stands for steadiness in the marriage.
Arundhathi star
The groom points out the Arundhathi star to the bride, a symbol of a devoted and faithful marriage. At a morning wedding the star is pointed to in spirit rather than in the sky.
Lunch and the Reception
A vegetarian feast on banana leaf usually follows the ceremony. The Reception, or Varaverpu, is often the same evening or a day later, with a bigger guest list, a stage for photographs with the couple and frequently a mixed menu.
Planning around the rituals
- Ask your priest for a running order early, and how long each part takes. Venue bookings in halls are often strict.
- Decide which moments guests should be in their seats for, and put that time on the invitation.
- Different events usually have different guest lists. The Nichayathartham and pre-wedding rites are often family only.
- If you are adding a short guide to the rituals on your website, keep it to what your family actually does.